16 posts tagged “2007”
Sometimes I find that despite my protestations to the contrary that I do crave and adore attention. I obviously couldn't have been a performer for as long as I was without that craving. It gets a little spotty in the realm of personal relations.
How much attention can someone demand of others before it sucks the other people dry? How much is to the point of being childish . . . or demanding? Well this is the ultimate question, now isn't it?
Me. I have a love hate relationship with attention given that I have received accolades and I have been the butt of life's jokes otherwise known as the being object of ridicule for large groups of people.
This of course makes me a pain in the ass.... For the most part, I like to be left alone to go along my daily business. In some ways, the whole Southern "hey how ya doin'?" thing never went over well with me. But now, I don't trust good attention anymore at all.. So I make the person who gives the good attention give even more to prove to me that he or she really means the said good attention as opposed to yanking my chain, kissing my ass, or a whole host of other bad attention disguised as good attention.
It goes like this.
"You're pretty"
"No I'm not."
"No really."
"eh ass kisser"
"no really."
"pfft"
"bitch"
So I really don't accept compliments very well and I have a hard time accepting the general good will as what it is.
Of course, it can also become this MORE MORE MORE NO YOU"RE SMOTHERING ME dynamic.
Hi I'm fun. No I'm really a pain in the ass. I can see it. I know it. I have driven people away with this bullshit.
Now of course, there are other people who through charm and other means are able to obtain a large amount of attention from people. I am in awe of them. I'm not quite sure how they do it. It's completely foreign to me. Granted, I'm not even sure I would like to walk in a room and have everybody look at me. I'd think I had a stain on my shirt or something but I am completely in awe of those people. They don't really look or act any different than you or me. (Or maybe just me) There's no real finite difference between these people as a class: grated some are beautiful, some have personalities larger than life, and others... not so much.
My first boyfriend was like that. Of course, the ability to grab this attention also created this expectation to have it at all times. He tried being friends with me for a second or so after his first divorce a couple of years ago. I finally had to stop it for the simple exchange.
"I'm going to bed."
"What? are you kidding me? you're a night owl."
"We've been on the phone for two hours."
"Just a little longer"
"okay"
I ended up staying on the phone a good two hours more. I couldn't do it. I finally had to have that "I don't think so" talk. I felt taken advantage like somehow I was less important in his sphere than himself --- that somehow I was nothing more than a pawn in his own game of life and my purpose was to sit around clapping and cheering for him. And well that's not being a friend, that's being a fan. I'm not really interested in being someone's groupie.
So where is that line? I have no idea. It's something I'm working on. If you have any insight, let me know.
One of my most fondest memories of my high school sweetheart is his amazing ability to give me gifts that I absolutely adored. It wasn't that they were necessarily expensive or extravagant. It was that it was always something I really wanted. The amazing thing about this is that we never, for one second, had a "what do you want for Christmas . . . etc." conversation. One day I asked him about this and he replied, "Whenever you see something that you like, your face lights up"
As a result of this, I have come to the conclusion that gift giving is more about the expression of friendship and paying attention to the other person rather than the gift itself. This is also why I can be disappointed if I get something that I absolutely hate. It becomes the "you don't know me at all. Where have you been during all those times we were hanging out and talking. You surely weren't paying attention to me.... ?"
The thing is that it's not that hard.. Once upon a time earlier this year, I got invited to this dinner party and I know it's good idea to give a host gift for dinner parties at the house blah blah blah... and well since I am an etiquette snob... I said screw it and erred on the side of caution for said dinner party at a restaurant.. So since he was a foodie and loved the wine, he got some bottle stoppers. So yeah... see thoughtful considerate gift. yee hawww.... Did I mention I didn't know the host that well at ALL???
Not that hard people.
The hardest part about gift giving is those family members whom you don't see very often or you don't really like but out of family obligation have to give them a gift. (Don't be lying. You know know you got some family you don't like. yeah you can still love them. You can also love to push them under a bus.)
Those people can be a little more difficult.
So it's Christmas season and there is the whole commercialization of it all which is pretty out of control. Then again American consumerism is out of control but that is a topic for another day. SO I guess I'll revel in it and be like Oprah and tell you "My favorite things" Some of these things I actually own and other things well I want for my own damn self.
For whatever reason, I get a kick out of old school etiquette. Maybe it's my Southern roots. A lot of Southern hospitality is just good manners. As a result of this love of etiquette, I love stationery. Nothing says "thank you" like giving a little note in the mail. Seriously, even Scrooge gets a kick out of getting something in the mail that isn't a bill or junk mail. So a little snail mail can brighten someone's day. Also in business, it can help you get a job or bolster your professional image. "Melissa" is a name of greek origin meaning "honey bee" In fact, "melissaphobia" is the word for the fear of bees. Since my name has an automatic trademark attached to it, I get a kick out of anything with bees on it. Bees also can be sweet creating honey or they can sting your butt---not unlike me. Yeah I am the bee. Fear the bee. eh Whatever. So here is some Bee themed stationery from Crane.
I am also the fan of the cute but not too cute. Let's call it slightly ironic with a dash of kitsch. So these Hugging Salt and Pepper shakers that look like a Ying Yang symbol when viewed from above make me smile. A LOT!
I do like me some running. I don't do it nearly as often as I'd like or even as much as I should. I got the fat ass to show for it. It's partially that I have yet to figure out how to fit it into my crazy schedule. I am definitely needing to figure that out yesterday. So in with the running, I am COVETING the Garmin Forerunner. Yeah it keeps track of your time, your pace, and your distance all thanks to satellite technology. Good times. Then again, special running socks would make me happy too. Blisters are caused by sweat and friction and running socks keep the sweat at bay enough to avoid the blisters. Cotton socks... not so much.
So yeah... there you go... but then again the gift giving is about the other person. So go out there and find something.
Yes I have decided to give Holidailies a shot.
I can't believe it's December already. This year has flown by. On January 1 of this year, my grandfather died after battling Alzheimer's for almost ten years. It was a peaceful bittersweet death that brought about sadness that he was actually gone but relief that he was in a better place or out of the hell of his own body and mind that he was currently in. Well it was peaceful until he got buried and then it became a battle over his stuff. My father was one of six kids with five of them still living. Evidently, they all had a lot of underlying issues with each other that came forth like lava in a volcano. It was ugly. There are people who are still not speaking to each other. They may never speak to each other again.
Then at the end of January, my grandmother's longtime best friend Bud died. They were so close that my grandmother got listed as his "lifelong companion" on his obituary. I have no idea the status of their relationship exactly. I just know that he would come to her house every morning to pick up the paper after she got finished reading it, drink coffee, and chat for a while. Sometimes it was thirty minutes. Sometimes he would stay until lunch time. But unless he was seriously ill, he came over to her house at least once a day for over twenty years. At the very least, he loved her a lot.
So this Christmas will be one of change. The family dynamic has dramatically been altered and it will be interesting to see the adjustments. Who am I kidding? It will be all kinds of sad with "hey Bud was here last year"
Then again there are no guarantees in life. There's no guarantee that the people who love you today will be around tomorrow. Any one of us could get hit by a bus or have some massive misunderstanding that breaks up a relationship. Relationships, any type of relationship, are fragile things and they can rot and die on you if you aren't careful. I guess the only thing you can do is be grateful for the love you have today and thank those who are important in your life for being there . . . while they are still around to hear it.
All this means I'm a little ambivalent about Christmas. I'm not sure happy happy joy joy is going to be it.
- Of course, I bought and read Harry Potter the day it came out. I didn't stay up until midnight and actually bought it on Saturday day. I read it over the course of two days because I'm old. It was AMAZING! It managed to tie a lot together.
- I read this second on in maybe an hour while sitting in a Barnes and Nobel one day. It's an easy read. It's the story of a dying woman and her remembering a passionate love. It's written in a stream of conscious style that is mesmerizing. But I didn't like it because i didn't buy the premise.
- Interesting book about how peer pressure and parental control can wreak havoc on adolescent girls. Has lots of case studies. Not as academic as you would think
- Very indepth book about depression including autobiographical details, history of meds, history of psychology, and a whole bunch of other stuff. . . yet it manages to not be too pretentious.
- I love this guy.
"the Moving finger writes; and having writ, moves on" Omar Khayyam
This movie was absolutely amazing. AMAZING. The story was full of beautiful imagery and metaphors and the special effects were beautiful. The story is about a girl in the 40s whose tailor father dies and her pregnant mother goes to live with the "CAPTAIN" in Spain. The CAPTAIN is a sadistic little creep. There is an army of rebels in the forest trying to take over.
Good times.
This movie was absolutely amazing. AMAZING. The story was full of beautiful imagery and metaphors and the special effects were beautiful. The story is about a girl in the 40s whose tailor father dies and her pregnant mother goes to live with the "CAPTAIN" in Spain. The CAPTAIN is a sadistic little creep. There is an army of rebels in the forest trying to take over.
Good times.
The stories from his childhood in Indonesia were fascinating as well.
okay that's it. Brevity is good.
