merlisser’s blog

Yeah it's been a while so I thought I would do this over here. yee haw.

Directions:
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle

2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
Room 21 by Hinder

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Because of You by Kelly Clarkson. (oh my)

WHAT IS LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Don't Tell Me By Madonna

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Reservations by Wilco

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Something in the Air by David Bowie

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
I Don't Know by Starsailor

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Tap That by Megan McCauley (ewwww that's just wrong)
]

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Whenever God Shines His Light by Van Morrison

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Creep by Radiohead

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Sweetest Perfection by Depeche Mode.

WHAT SONG WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR WEDDING?
No Other Love by Chuck Prophet

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
So Says I by The Shins

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST??
Sparks by Coldplay

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
Reptilia by the Strokes

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Anna Begins by Counting Crows

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore by the Smiths.

(why do they got to front?!! )

If you had to write your autobiography in 6 words, what would you write?
Submitted by mitzie.

Frequently disappointed yet still hopefully optimistic

What was the one thing that you wanted badly that made you do something ridiculous? 
Submitted by estell.

There's always the getting the boy shennanigans.... but I'm pleading the 5th as far as revealing the "ridiculous measures"

Tell us about your holiday traditions. 
Submitted by Talk is Cheap.

Well with my family it was always Thanksgiving with my Dad's family and then Christmas with my Mom's family. It's always been that way.  Christmas Eve dinner involved a baked ham and then Christmas Day dinner involved a turkey.  (and of course the leftover ham).  When we were kids, we would open all the presents on Christmas Eve to make room for the presents that Santa was going to bring during the night.  We kept up the present opening on the Eve even after we all got old enough to not play the Santa game anymore.

Okay so I signed up for Holidailies... but then I lost my password for the portal.  I'm S-M-R-T

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

Langston Hughes

Ever since I was a little kid, I have always been someone who dreamed big.  Forever "bored" in my room, I would lie on my bed and make up all these adventures in my head.  When I was five or so, I saw this Bugs Bunny cartoon. Bugs was playing the piano and it was from that cartoon that I began piano lessons.  Of course, I wanted to play that song.  Of course, it turned out to be a very long and rather difficult piece:  Hungarian Rhapsody #2 by Franz Liszt.  But so it goes.

A while ago, I lodged into the fad of making a dreams/things to do before I die list, not unlike this one.  It was posted on the net somewhere and it seems that I have lost it in its entirety.

Lately for many reasons such as the latest month of doom being particularly irksom and gloomy, I have been doing quite a bit of introspection as of late.  I have, as clichedly as it sounds, lost my way.

And for reasons that make no sense whatsoever, I woke up all happy go lucky like nothing had ever happened--- like November month of doom never existed.

I'm going to rewrite that list because I think a life without passion and zest is a life not worth living. I know other people who live all in their heads and like it there. I, however, think you were born with a heart and emotions and they are part of the package.  You were made to feel and be alive.  A person with no feelings ia  robot.... or a serial killer.  So I'm going to go back to those things that I used to think about when I was stuck in my room when my brother was all yelling at my mother and throwing stuff and I was dreaming about how to get the hell out of dodge.  I'm going to find those things again and then I'm going to do as many of them as possible---no matter how silly or inane because life was meant to be lived.

Sometimes I find that despite my protestations to the contrary that I do crave and adore attention.  I obviously couldn't have been a performer for as long as I was without that craving. It gets a little spotty in the realm of personal relations.

How much attention can someone demand of others before it sucks the other people dry?  How much is to the point of being childish . . . or demanding?  Well this is the ultimate question, now isn't it?

Me. I have a love hate relationship with attention given that I have received accolades and I have been the butt of life's jokes otherwise known as the being object of ridicule for large groups of people. 

This of course makes me a pain in the ass....  For the most part, I like to be left alone to go along my daily business.  In some ways, the whole Southern "hey how ya doin'?" thing never went over well with me.  But now, I don't trust good attention anymore at all..  So I make the person who gives the good attention give even more to prove to me that he or she really means the said good attention as opposed to yanking my chain, kissing my ass, or a whole host of other bad attention disguised as good attention.

It goes like this.

"You're pretty"
"No I'm not."
"No really."
"eh ass kisser"
"no really."
"pfft"
"bitch"

So I really don't accept compliments very well and I have a hard time accepting the general good will as what it is.  

Of course, it can also become this MORE MORE MORE NO YOU"RE SMOTHERING ME dynamic. 

Hi I'm fun.  No I'm really a pain in the ass.  I can see it.  I know it.  I have driven people away with this bullshit. 

Now of course, there are other people who through charm and other means are able to obtain a large amount of attention from people.  I am in awe of them.  I'm not quite sure how they do it.  It's completely foreign to me.  Granted, I'm not even sure I would like to walk in a room and have everybody look at me. I'd think I had a stain on my shirt  or something but I am completely in awe of those people.  They don't really look or act any different than you or me.  (Or maybe just me)  There's no real finite difference between these people as a class:  grated some are beautiful, some have personalities larger than life, and others... not so much. 

My first boyfriend was like that.  Of course, the ability to grab this attention also created this expectation to have it at all times.  He tried being friends with me for a second or so after his first divorce a couple of years ago. I finally had to stop it for the simple exchange.

"I'm going to bed."
"What? are you kidding me? you're a night owl."
"We've been on the phone for two hours."
"Just a little longer"
"okay"

I ended up staying on the phone a good two hours more.  I couldn't do it. I finally had to have that "I don't think so" talk.  I felt taken advantage like somehow I was less important in his sphere than himself --- that somehow I was nothing more than a pawn in his own game of life and my purpose was to sit around clapping and cheering for him.    And well that's not being a friend, that's being a fan.  I'm not really interested in being someone's groupie.

So where is that line?  I have no idea. It's something I'm working on. If you have any insight, let me know.

One of my most fondest memories of my high school sweetheart is his amazing ability to give me gifts that I absolutely adored.  It wasn't that they were necessarily expensive or extravagant.  It was that it was always something I really wanted.  The amazing thing about this is that we never, for one second, had a "what do you want for Christmas . . . etc." conversation.  One day I asked him about this and he replied, "Whenever you see something that you like, your face lights up" 

As a result of this, I have come to the conclusion that gift giving is more about the expression of friendship and paying attention to the other person rather than the gift itself.  This is also why I can be disappointed if I get something that I absolutely hate.  It becomes the "you don't know me at all.  Where have you been during all those times we were hanging out and talking. You surely weren't paying attention to me.... ?" 

The thing is that it's not that hard.. Once upon a time earlier this year, I got invited to this dinner party and I know it's good idea to give a host gift for dinner parties at the house blah blah blah... and well since I am an etiquette snob... I said screw it and erred on the side of caution for said dinner party at a restaurant..    So since he was a foodie and loved the wine, he got some bottle stoppers. So yeah... see  thoughtful considerate gift. yee hawww.... Did I mention I didn't know the host that well at ALL???

Not that hard people.

The hardest part about gift giving is those family members whom you don't see very often or you don't really like but out of family obligation have to give them a gift. (Don't be lying. You know know you got some family you don't like.  yeah you can still love them. You can also love to push them under a bus.) 

Those people can be a little more difficult. 

So it's Christmas season and there is the whole commercialization of it all which is pretty out of control.  Then again American consumerism is out of control but that is a topic for another day.  SO I guess I'll revel in it and be like Oprah and tell you "My favorite things"   Some of these things I actually own and other things well I want for my own damn self. 

For whatever reason, I get a kick out of old school etiquette.  Maybe it's my Southern roots.  A lot of Southern hospitality is just good manners.  As a result of this love of etiquette, I love stationery.  Nothing says "thank you" like giving a little note in the mail. Seriously, even Scrooge gets a kick out of getting something in the mail that isn't a bill or junk mail.  So a little snail mail can brighten someone's day.  Also in business, it can help you get a job or bolster your professional image.   "Melissa" is a name of greek origin meaning "honey bee"  In fact, "melissaphobia" is the word for the fear of bees.  Since my name has an automatic trademark attached to it, I get a kick out of anything with bees on it.  Bees also can be sweet creating honey or they can sting your butt---not unlike me.  Yeah I am the bee. Fear the bee.  eh Whatever.  So here is some Bee themed stationery from Crane.

I am also the fan of the cute but not too cute. Let's call it slightly ironic with a dash of kitsch.  So these Hugging Salt and Pepper shakers that look like a Ying Yang symbol when viewed from above make me smile.  A LOT!

I do like me some running.  I don't do it nearly as often as I'd like or even as much as I should. I got the fat ass to show for it.  It's partially that I have yet to figure out how to fit it into my crazy schedule.  I am definitely needing to figure that out yesterday.  So in with the running, I am COVETING the Garmin Forerunner.  Yeah it keeps track of your time, your pace, and your distance all thanks to satellite technology.   Good times. Then again, special running socks would make me happy too.  Blisters are caused by sweat and friction and running socks keep the sweat at bay enough to avoid the blisters.  Cotton socks... not so much. 

So yeah... there you go... but then again the gift giving is about the other person.  So go out there and find something.